Well, I have to share with all of you a little bit of my life these days. Background info. first: Any of you who know me extremely well know that I don't handle change well, whether big or small. It truly freaks me out. I don't like it and haven't pretty much all of my life. Well, this past Tuesday night I had a total meltdown over something non-baby related and haven't been the same since. Once the meltdown began, then I started thinking about ALL the many changes headed our way:
-a baby
-a baby
-a baby
and.....a baby.
Don't get me wrong, Dylan is a blessing and I can't wait for him to be here, but I've started thinking, Will I be a good mom? Will I know how to take care of him? Will my body shape back up quickly? If I am not sleeping now, will I ever sleep with a newborn in our bedroom?
Dylan is literally about to rock our world with change! I have to give a HUGE hats off to my sweet husband, who has taken the brunt of my meltdown with such grace. Since Tuesday night he just keeps saying, "It's ok, it's ok, I'm not mad, your ok...." and that is after I tell him in one of my sobbing moments that I am so sorry to be acting like this. If I was him, I would be wanting to run for the hills away from the crazy pregnant women. I have to believe that my body is giving me another sign that the time is getting closer for Dylan to be here. I know that we can do this, but I guess its normal to be apprehensive. Not "scared" like everyone keeps asking me. "Are you scared?" What kind of question is that to ask a first time mom to be. Not a good one. I won't ever ask that question to a friend, acquaintance, etc. that is 9 months pregnant. I have completed 38 weeks as of today and hope to hear Dr. Deed say I am making more progress when we see her this afternoon. Yes, change is a comin', and while my first reaction is to say "Oh no!" and run, I plan to do my best to embrace it, because its a new life that is part of us and THAT change is a good one. Rachel
Thursday, August 20, 2009
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2 comments:
You are going to be a great mom!! (I HATE change as well)....As for the meltdowns, forgive yourself easily. Don't stay mad at yourself for long over those. God has blessed us with wonderful, strong husbands that understand and love us (even when we are crazy)
I can't stand change either! Never have! ;) I have also felt the exact same way you did! Except those questions recently popped into my mind, when I'm at 28 weeks! :) I wonder what THAT means! Who knows what it will be like when I'm 38! These hormones are crazy! I know without a doubt that you will be a FANTASTIC mother and our boys will be close in age so we can experience their growth together!
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